Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Dear Sister.. Reposted

This was posted back in October 17, 2006. I'm reposting it again with a few 'technical adjustments' just as a reminder.. i also welcome any Muslimah to write a similar post entitled 'Dear Brother..' (ha)


This goes out to some Muslimah out there in context of today's generation. The writing was actually inspired after a personal encounter, having an open discussion about Boy-Girl Relationships with a friend..

I'm someone who frequently make mistakes too..please remind me in areas where I may be wrong or insufficient..


Dear Sister in Islam..

Your sincerity to practice Islam as a way of life is admirable. Still, it's not enough. You practice Islam to how you understand it, the way you perceive it is. But that's not the way it should be.

Is there such thing as a strict and less-strict Islam? There's only one type of Islam, one which is based on al-Quran and as-Sunnah.

Alhamdulillah, you uphold the pillars of Islam well. But you don't wear the hijab the way it should be worn. You say that type of coverage is too strict. The way you dress with 'tudungs', t-shirt and tight jeans/pants don't really cover your 'aurah'. Even 'baju kurungs' which don't meet the standard requirements.

You get involved in many relationships which only lead to hurt and despair. You've tried again and again to find "true love". Your boyfriends don't really practice Islam well as you do. But you keep advising hoping he'll change. You try your best to practice restraint by not accepting any sexual advances from your boyfriend reminding him its not allowed in Islam. 

That's great, really.

But still, intimate pre-marital relationships itself is not allowed in Islam. When discussed, you say that's too strict. Would there be such sexual advances if you're not in those relationships? Which hadith or verse from al-Quran says that BGR is allowed before marraige?

Of course it's not easy to change. It's something you've been used to all your life, growing up in an environment where such practices are common. 

When you look around, most of your friends are doing the same thing. You truly enjoy thier company and have known them for years. Why would you want to risk that happiness by being someone different exercising Islam "more strictly"?

It's not that you're not sincere in trying to practice Islam. You are. But do you know that you're going against His rules just to have that kind of temporary happiness?

Haven't we been assured of happiness greater than that?


Allah Almighty says:

{Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and be modest. That is purer for them. Lo! Allah is aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and be modest, and to display of their adornment only that which is apparent, and to draw their veils over their bosoms, and not to reveal their adornment save to their own husbands or fathers or husbands' fathers, or their sons or their husbands' sons, or their brothers or their brothers' sons or sisters' sons, or their women, or their slaves, or male attendants who lack vigour, or children who know naught of women's nakedness. And let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornment. And turn unto Allah together, O believers, in order that ye may succeed.}
(An-Nur: 30-31)

No matter how sincere we may be, it is not enough for a Muslim if that sincerety doesn't follow with the correct form of understanding and practice.

The closest thing that I know of pre-marital relations being encouraged is during the engagement period, after both families have agreed and both are determined that it will lead to marriage within a short period of time. And even then, it must always be within the boundaries that Islam has set.

When we indulge in intimate pre-marital relations, sure we can be happy at times. But for many cases, it is often short lived which leads to confusion and despair. Some end up in a worse state. And the cycle continues for the worst, leading to many problems in the society.

We must remember that we are not alone. We are always accompanied by 'Shaytan' who have promised to always lead humans to the wrong path.

We always feel joy and excitement when doing things that are unIslamic. But most of the times, when we want to do something Islamic, an opposite feeling pops up. This is the time when 'Shaytan' will always try to make it difficult for us. That is the work of 'Shaytan' through our nafs.

Hwaa Irfan, cyber-counselor from Islamonline.net says,"You have been under the throes of the lower desire, An-nafs al-ammarah (Yusuf 12: 53) bi`su, the evil commanding self. An-nafs al-ammarah bi`su, is the desire for self gratification. Imam Baghawi tells us:

"The nafs al-ammarah bi`su' has Shaytân as its ally. He promises it great rewards and gains, but casts falsehood into it. He invites it and entices the soul to do evil. He leads it on with hope after hope and presents falsehood to the soul in a form that it will accept and admire.

Professor Dr. Omar Hassan Kasule Sr tells us this:

"Shaytan exploits the sexual attraction between the genders to inflame passions that lead to sexual transgression. Each person always has shaytan with him or her . The sexual attractiveness of the woman is generally more than that of the man. Thus in sexual relations it is the male who usually seeks out the female.

The extra beauty and attractiveness of the woman can be a temptation for both her and for men [Suurah Yuusuf 12:(23-24) & 12:(30-34)].

A woman conscious of her beauty may exploit it by being flirtatious and thus exposing herself to men. Men will be attracted by her beauty and may lose control and commit sexual transgression" - (excerpt from Islamonline.net article)

Focusing to think and reason about the problem on our own will only allow Shaytan to lead us astray again and again unless in addition to that, we also focus on seeking Allah's help and guidance through things such as prayers, supplication (du'a) and dhikrullaah (remembrance of Allah).

We must also work on staying away from repeating bad deeds of the past and keep ourselves busy in good deeds, doing things that will be beneficial to us, for here and the hereafter, regularly seeking knowledge and work on self-improvement through the guidance of the Qur'an and Sunnah, or books based on them and also through those knowledgable and examplary as Muslims.

Always remember that Only Allah SWT can help us and only we can overcome the barriers within ourselves to change

{..."Allaah will never change a grace which He has bestowed on a people until they change what is in thier ownselves. And verily, Allaah is the All-Hearer, All-Knower"} [Suurah Al-Anfaal 8:53]

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: "Remember Allah during times of ease and He will remember you during times of hardship." (Reported by Ahmad)

{"And whoever does evil or acts unjustly to his soul, then asks forgiveness of Allah, he shall find Allah forgiving, Merciful"}
(An-Nisa 4:110)

Rasoolullaah (sallAllahu'alaihi wa sallam) said as well, "Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta'ala) says,'I am as My servant thinks of Me, and I am with him when he remembers Me. If he remembers Me in himself, I remember him in Myself. If he remembers Me in a company, I remember him in a company better than his company. If he comes one handspan nearer to Me, I come one cubit nearer to him. If he comes on cubit nearer to Me, I come a distance of two arm-lengths nearer to him. If he comes to Me walking, I come to him running." (al-Bukhari)

{Say: "O 'Ibaadee (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allaah, verily, Allaah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."} (Surah Az-Zumar 39:53)

Its sad to see some muslims who defend their own opinion.."Iman is not what is outside..Its whats inside", as some might claim. If thats the case, then we can also put it this way e.g A bartender who works in a bar selling and handling liquor, dressing inappropriately says ".. don't look at whats outside..its what's on the inside." Clearly, this is not Islamic at all!

Oh Allah, forgive our sins, purify our hearts, protect us from the evil of ourselves and the wickedness of our own deeds.. guide us whenever we forget or fall into error, guide us all to the right path. Aameen.

And Allah Almighty knows best.


Raffael said...

"and not to reveal their adornment save to their own husbands or fathers or husbands' fathers, or their sons or their husbands' sons, or their brothers or their brothers' sons or sisters' sons, or their women, or their slaves, or male attendants who lack vigour, or children who know naught of women's nakedness. "

sounds a little incestuous don't you think?

I don't see the problem with pre marital sex. t has been human nature from before marriage even existed. I don't see why you make a big deal about it if it is consensual and bth partners agree. Every human, boy or girl is entitled to their own choices if they feel that they are correct as long as it doesn't come in the way or harm anyone else or themselves.

Just so you know because I'm sure you're going to ask my mother is a muslim and my father is a hindu.

I just choose to follow a more liberal faith, you can keep guessing which one that is.

Ibn Hasim said...

1) Bro Raffael, welcome to this insignificant blog and thanks for actually bothering to read the whole post and even comment about it.. (",)

2) What is incest in the first place? The online dictionary defines it as

a) Sexual intercourse between closely related persons

b) The crime of sexual intercourse, cohabitation, or marriage between persons within the degrees of consanguinity of affinity wherein marriage is legally forbidden.

When we look at definitions from other dictionaries, they too provide a definition of it being a crime or taboo of some sort. Which means it is not a norm and that humans generally don’t have any natural sexual tendencies towards their close relatives. Only a tiny percentage of sick people would have that form of thinking.

3) True, a boy and a girl having sexual attraction to one another is natural. Islam doesn’t forbid human’s natural sexual tendencies but disciplines it by allowing it only through marriage.

I’m making a big deal out of it as it concerns the well-being of Muslims and the rules and boundaries that they are obligated to abide by. The article is generally directed as a reminder to Muslims, not for the mainstream audience.

4) Your statement “Every human, boy or girl is entitled to their own choices if they feel they are correct as long as it doesn’t come in the way or harm anyone else or themselves”. The reality is:

a) Having consensual sex will always be heedlessly and recklessly seen by the doer to be a correct practice, as both partners have agreed, as long as no problems arises.

b) What about when either one of them suddenly contracted HIV and sexually transmitted diseases?

c) What about when they become the cause of adultery and wrecked families and homes?

d) What about when the girl has to resort to abortion?

5) Since you say every human is entitled to their own choices if they feel they are correct regarding human’s sexual tendencies, then would you like the same to happen to your own mother? Or to your sisters or daughters one day whereby a complete stranger would be able to do anything he likes as he’s entitled to his own opinion and the agreement of his partner (the mother, daughter, sister under another’s responsibility and care) and you can’t do anything about it? It's a free and liberal country.

6) Go ahead, choose a more liberal faith if that’s what you feel is correct. Islam itself doesn’t compel anyone to believe in its teachings.

{There is no compulsion in religion. Verily, the Right Path has become distinct from the wrong path..} [Al-Baqarah 2:256]

7) I invite you to read the Qur’an and try to understand the verses in the right context. Challenge its proofs and statements if you will.

Allah Almighty says in the Qur’an:

{And if you are in doubt concerning that which We have sent down (i.e. the Qur’an) to Our slave (Muhammad peace and blessings be upon him), then bring a Soorah (chapter) of the like thereof and call your witnesses (supporters and helpers) besides Allah, if you are truthful. But if you do it not, and you can never do it, then fear the Fire (Hell) whose fuel is man and stones, prepared for the disbelievers.} [Al-Baqarah 2:(23-24)]

Do check out this link: www.islam-guide.com/

8) Lastly, as a reminder, we will all one day taste death and this is something that nobody has an idea of, when or how he/she will die. Let’s not forget our main purpose in life. This life is just a temporary phase for us to prepare for life in the hereafter. We are responsible for every single detail of what we do in this life and the actions and deeds that we have done will be accounted for and they are the only things that will either help us, to a better, everlasting life in heaven (if Allah wills) or lead us to the wrath of Hellfire (may Allah protect us from this). May Allah Almighty guide us always, accept our deeds, forgive and remind us whenever we make mistakes and errors and protect us from the hellfire and grant us a safe passage into Jannah. Amin.