Sunday, November 30, 2008

Mencari atau Menjadi?

Just to share this excerpt from a saifulislam.com article entitled,”Pro Aktif Mulakan Dengan yang di Depan Cermin”

ERTI PROAKTIF

Proaktif bermaksud, mengambil kawalan dan tanggungjawab ke atas diri kita sendiri.
Kita tidak boleh meletakkan kualiti hidup kita atas sesuatu yang kita tidak boleh kawal.


“Ana tak boleh buat apa-apa, kalau jalan jem macam ini, memang ana jadi kaki mencarut punya,” kata seorang pemandu di Kuala Lumpur. Susahlah begitu. Mungkin dia kena pindah ke ‘Kampung Bongek’, baru boleh berhenti mencarut.

“Kalau cuaca gloomy macam ini, saya memang depressed,” kata seorang pelajar di Galway, Ireland.

Emm, dia sudah tersalah memilih tempat belajar. Sepatutnya dia memilih untuk belajar di Tha’if, Arab Saudi atau di Burkina Faso. Barulah cuaca cerah sentiasa.

Kenyataan-kenyataan seperti ini, adalah seperti meletakkan remote controller kehidupan kita di pihak lain. Kita gembira atau sedih, kita bahagia atau derita, semua ditentukan oleh orang lain.


Cuaca yang menentukan mood kita.

Ibu bapa yang akan menentukan saya boleh jadi ibu atau bapa yang baik.

Bursa Saham sahaja yang boleh menentukan tahap senyum dan bahagia saya.

Oh, kehidupan seperti ini adalah kehidupan reaktif. Kita tiada upaya untuk memutuskan tindakan atas pilihan sendiri. Kita hanya mampu memberi reaksi.

Hidup begini, adalah hidup yang rumit lagi sulit. Masakan tidak, jika ujian kehidupan menentukan kebahagiaan diri, mampukah kita mencari sebuah kehidupan yang bebas dari ujian?


Berhentilah daripada mencari unsur luar, kerana semua itu ada dalam dirimu. Mahu bahagia atau derita, pilih sendiri. Mahu menafsirkan ujian sebagai kaffarah dari Allah peluang untuk diperbaiki dan memperbaiki, atau mahu menafsirkannya sebagai bala bencana penyebab derita lagi sengsara, atau mahu menafsirkannya dengan gaya si luncai yang ‘AKU TIDAK PEDULI’SMA’, anda pilih sendiri.

Mulakan perubahan dengan mengubah diri sendiri. Warnakan alam dengan pandangan anda sendiri.

MENCARI ATAU MENJADI

“Saya sedar saya tidaklah sehebat Fatimah, sebab itu saya perlukan suami yang soleh seperti Ali untuk membimbing saya,” kata seorang mahasiswi.

“Ana memang tidak sebagus Ali, sebab itu ana kena pilih isteri yang sempurna macam Fatimah. Ana tak mampu nak memFatimahkan seorang yang tidak Fatimah!” tegas seorang mahasiswa.

Semua sibuk mencari. Mudahkah untuk mendapatnya?

Semua sibuk mencari. Jika jumpa, mudahkah untuk mengekalkannya?


Kita bertemu dengan pasangan hidup semasa duduk di dalam suasana usrah. Alhamdulillah, imejnya berjubah dan bertudung labuh. Tetapi mampukah kita mengekalkan isteri kita pada benchmark solehah seperti itu di sepanjang alam rumahtangga? Dia mungkin akan diubah oleh suasana kerja, dia mungkin akan diubah apabila kembali ke pangkuan keluarga, dia mungkin berubah atas banyak pengaruh, atau paling utama, dia mungkin berubah kerana dia memang berubah.

Maka mampukah kebahagiaan dan kesempurnaan rumahtangga dipertahankan, jika suami meletakkan kesempurnaan itu ialah pada apa yang isteri buat dan tidak buat, jadi atau tidak jadi?

Kita mahu mencari pasangan hidup yang soleh, dan kita menemuinya di dalam suasana semua lelaki nampak sempurna. Semasa bercinta, dialah Ultraman, dialah Gaban. Tetapi siapa sangka, selepas berumahtangga, Ultraman berubah menjadi raksasa!

Jika bahagia dan sempurnanya rumahtangga ialah pada apa yang suami buat atau apa yang isteri buat, kita akan hidup dan mati dalam pencarian. Pencarian yang tidak berkesudahan.

Maka jika mahu mendapat yang soleh, kurangkan sedikit agenda menCARI si Soleh, tetapi berusahalah menJADI yang solehah. Jika inginkan yang solehah, janganlah cerewet sangan menCARI yang solehah, tetapi berusahalah menJADI yang soleh.


Bertemu yang solehah, solehahnya belum tentu kekal. Bertemu yang soleh, solehnya boleh berubah… kerana si solehah dan soleh adalah insan biasa.

Tetapi jika semua orang fokus kepadi JADI dan bukannya CARI, maka ramailah calon, dan mudahlah sedikit kehidupan. Dan kita sendiri tidak bimbang untuk berumahtangga dengan pasangan ‘itu’ walaupun tidak 100%(30% pun belum tentu) mengenalinya.


Apa yang nak dibimbangkan, kita berkahwin sebagai sebahagian daripada proses untuk menJADI, bukan menCARI.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Apabila Zina Lebih Mudah Daripada Kahwin

excerpt of an article entitled above from drmaza.com..

Minggu depan adalah minggu terakhir saya sebagai Mufti Negeri Perlis. Tulisan hari ini adalah yang kedua sebelum yang terakhir pada minggu hadapan. Banyak perkara yang ingin saya kongsikan sepanjang tempoh dua tahun menjadi mufti.

Namun, nampaknya saya terpaksa tangguhkan terlebih dahulu hasrat itu kerana buat penghabisan kali di atas jawatan ini saya ingin menyentuh kerenah perkahwinan dalam negara ini. Hal ini penting terutama menjelang musim cuti sekolah kerana ramai yang akan berkahwin.

Antara peruntuh nilai-nilai baik dalam kehidupan manusia hari ini adalah apabila dimudahkan yang haram dan disukarkan yang halal. Sedangkan Islam menyuruh kita membentuk suasana atau iklim kehidupan yang menyukarkan yang haram dan memudah yang halal. Itulah tanggungjawab pemerintah dan umat iaitu menegak yang makruf dan mencegah yang munkar.


Menegak yang makruf itu adalah dengan cara menyuruh, memudah dan membantu ke arah tersebut. Sementara mencegah yang munkar adalah dengan cara menghalang, melarang dan menyukarkan jalan untuk sampai kepadanya. Namun, jika masyarakat hari ini menyusahkan yang halal dan menyenangkan yang haram, tanda kita begitu menjauhi ruh syariat islam yang hakiki yang diturunkan oleh Allah s.w.t.

Antara perkara yang selalu disusahkan adalah urusan perkahwinan. Kesusahan membina rumahtangga itu kadang-kala bermula dari keluarga sehingga ‘ketidak fahaman’ tok kadi dan seterusnya pengurusan pejabat agama dan mahkamah syariah. Kerenah-keranah yang berbagai telah memangsakan hasrat pasangan untuk mendapat ‘nikmat seks’ secara halal. Lebih menyedihkan apabila kerenah-keranah itu wujud disebabkan kepentingan-kepentingan luar yang bukan kepentingan pasangan secara langsung.

Umpamanya, urusan kenduri kahwin atau walimah telah dijadikan jambatan kesombongan ibubapa atau keluarga sehingga ditangguh perkahwinan bagi memboleh kenduri besar-besaran dibuat demi menjaga taraf ‘jenama keluarga’. Sehingga ada pasangan yang terpaksa menunggu bertahun kerananya.

Apatah jika keluarga membebankan semua belanja kepada bakal pengantin. Maka bakal pengantin terpaksa mengikat ‘nafsu seks’ hanya kerana hendak menjaga nafsu menunjuk-nunjuk keluarga. Walaupun kenduri kahwin itu disuruh, namun memadailah dengan kadar yang termampu. Tidak semestinya ‘ditumbangkan’ seekor lembu, atau dipanggil orang sekampung atau sebandar, atau dijemput semua rakan taulan.

Seseorang mengadakannya dengan kadar kemampuannya, seperti sabda Nabi s.a.w:

“Buatlah walimah walaupun sekadar seekor kambing” (Riwayat al-Bukhari dan Muslim).


Dalam ertikata lain, jika hanya mampu kenduri laksa, atau bihun atau mee pun tidak mengapa, asalkan diadakan walimah. Apa yang penting perkahwinan yang halal telah dilunaskan. Janganlah macam orang dulu apabila anaknya sebut ingin berkahwin, bapanya akan bertanya; “kau dah ada lembu ke nak buat kenduri?”. Maka bertangguhlah hasrat si anak. Padahal bukan anaknya ingin berkahwin dengan lembu, dia ingin berkahwin dengan kekasihnya.

Sepatutnya si bapa bertanya: “kau dah ada pasangan ke?”. Itulah soalan yang betul. Lembu tidak termasuk dalam rukun nikah. Apa yang lebih buruk apabila ada pihak yang menjadikan medan walimah sebagai pentas menunjuk-nunjuk kekayaan harta lalu hanya dijemput orang yang ‘berjenama’ dan ditinggalkan saudara-mara, kawan-rakan, jiran-tetangga yang tidak setaraf.

Nabi s.a.w. bersabda:

“Seburuk makanan adalah makanan walimah yang dijemput orang kaya dan ditinggalkan orang miskin..” (Riwayat al-Bukhari dan Muslim).

Maka, menderitakan bakal suami-isteri disebabkan keangkuhan keluarga....

For more on the article, Link Here!

Just to add..

Talking about marraige.. I'm now at an ideal age for that. And at this age, seems that people tend to take more interest in your affairs. Questions come from all directions. "Dah berpunya blom?", "Ko bila pulak?", "Wan, dah masanya wan..apa lagi pi lah cari!", "Haah! Takde matahir lagi!?". It doesn't help when about 80% of your classmates are married and they're at an even younger age!

Hm, I wish it was that easy. Believe me, I could be married by next week if it's that easy, but in the context of the traditions back home..impossible for now. And, though it seemed like I'm in a "couldn't care less" mode, it's something that's in my main agenda. Siapa tak nak nikah oooi.

But we have to think and get back to reality before all this.. Are we ready to lead as the head of the household and provide enough for the family? Are we equipped with enough knowledge regarding the education of the household and keeping a healthy, Islamic and loving family? What is more important for now and the near future? Are we taking care of our own affairs well enough before we consider taking care the affairs of others? Maybe we think we're ready but there's that one or two things that we've overlooked thus we're being held back from having our wishes granted? Allah knows best..

Insya Allah, with our continuous effort, not only that but the right form of effort, planning, intentions and putting complete trust in Allah.. He will ease the path and grant success for kita2 yang masih bujang ni..eh hairil, nazmi, rizhan and khairu also(eh asal tiba2 nama korang masok plak?..hahah) all the best bros..BaarakAllahu feek..

[And those who say: "Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders of the Muttaqoon(the pious believers of Islamic Monotheism who fear Allah much(abstain from all kinds of sins and evil deeds which He has forbidden) and love Allah much (perform all kinds of good deeds which He has ordained)"] (surah Furqan:74)

Ameen, Insya Allah.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Blessing Even in Pain

Another article from the book 'La Tahzan'(Do not be Sad) to rilek with.. from islamonline.net

By Sheikh `A'id Abdullah Al-Qarni
Da`iyah and Scholar — Saudi Arabia


Pain is not always a negative force; it is not something that one should always hate. At times, a person may benefit from the feeling of pain.

One might remember that, at times of great pain, one sincerely supplicated and remembered Allah. When a student studies hard, he or she often feels the pangs of heavy burden — sometimes perhaps the burden of monotony. But this student will eventually finish this stage of life and perhaps become a scholar.

Aches, pangs of passion, poverty, scorn of others, frustration and anger at injustices, and other feelings cause poets to write flowing and captivating verses. This is because poets feel the pain in the heart, nerves, and blood. As a result, they become able to infuse the same emotions, through poems, into the hearts of others. Many are the painful experiences the best writers had undergone. Those experiences inspired brilliant works that many people today continue to enjoy and benefit from.

A person who grew up in a life of comfort and repose and who was not stung by hardships might be an unproductive, lazy, and lethargic individual. Likewise, the poets who knew no pain and who never tasted a bitter disappointment will invariably produce heaps upon heaps of cheap words. This is because their words pour forth from their tongues and not from their feelings or emotions. Although they may comprehend what they have written, their hearts and bodies do not feel the experience.

More worthy and relevant to the aforementioned examples are the lives of the Companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). They lived during the period of revelation and took part in the most important religious revolution the humankind has ever seen. Indeed, they had greater faith, nobler hearts, sincerer tongues, and deeper knowledge than those who came after them.

They lived through pain and suffering, and both of these are necessary for great revolutions. They felt the pains of hunger, poverty, rejection, abuse, banishment from home and homeland, and abandonment of all pleasures. They boldly endured the pains of wounds and even torture and death. They were in truth chosen people — the elite of humankind.
They were models of purity, nobleness, and sacrifice. A confirmation of this meaning is related in the Qur'an concerning the people of Madinah and those around them of the dwellers of the desert as follows:

[This is because there afflicts them neither thirst nor fatigue nor hunger in Allah's way, nor do they tread a path that enrages the unbelievers, nor do they gain from the enemy a gain but a good work is written down to them on account of it; surely Allah does not waste the reward of the doers of good.] (At-Tawbah 9:120)

There are many in the history who have produced their greatest works out of the pain and the suffering they experienced. An example is the Arab poet known as Al-Mutanabbi. When he was afflicted with a severe fever, he wrote some of his best poems. So, one should not become excessively anxious and fearful of any potential pain or suffering. It may well be that through pain and suffering one will become stronger and more creative. Furthermore, a person who lives with a burning, yet passionate, heart is purer and nobler than a person who lives with a cold heart and a shortsighted outlook. Almighty Allah says,

[But Allah did not like their going forth, so He withheld them, and it was said (to them), "Hold back with those who hold back."]
(At-Tawbah 9:46)

As the verse tells, those who lagged behind and did not take part in the battle and go through the accompanying hardships were not loved by Almighty Allah.

The words of a passionate sermon can reach the innermost depth of the heart and penetrate the deepest part of the soul, because the one who gives such sermons has experienced pain and suffering.

I have read many books of poetry and others filled with sermons. Many of these were passionless and did not seem to shake a hair on the body of the reader. Perhaps that is because the poets or the orators did not truly feel what they expressed. Hence, their works were cold like blocks of ice.

If one wishes to affect others, whether with speech, poetry, or even actions, one must first feel the passion inside. One must be moved by the meanings of what he or she is trying to convey. Then, and only then, one will come to realize that he or she can have an impact on others.


Editor's note: It goes without saying that the Islamic Shari`ah urges Muslims not to expose themselves to any hardship or pain for no lofty purpose. However, when a Muslim inescapably faces such difficult moments for the sake of Allah, it is a different story. In such a case, he or she should make best use of this feeling of his or hers.This believer should turn the pain into a force of creativity, thoughtfulness and giving. He or she is to be sure that those who feel the greatest pain are usually the most tenderhearted.

* Excerpted with modifications from the author's book Do Not Be Sad.

Sheikh `A'id Abdullah Al-Qarni is a prominent Saudi scholar and da`iyah. He has his doctorate in Hadith. He has made many audio lectures and a number of TV programs about different Islamic and Da`wah-related topics.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Finding Islam on the Road to College

Article from ReadingIslam.com

-A young American girl who was raised by her father as a Catholic got introduced to Islam in her journey to college from Chicago to Colorado.

By Halimah David

My father raised me on his own and as a Christian. He worked hard to teach me Christian values.

I read the Bible a lot when I was in elementary school (I skipped the words I did not know) and noticed there were some contradictions (i.e. eating pork, Jesus's peace be upon him supposed death).

When I was twelve I knew I did not really believe in Christianity anymore, but I did not know what to think. I continued searching out God and praying to Him for the truth. I sought God a lot and very hard.

I had a lot of questions on my mind: "Everybody, at some time or another, asks themselves the question: "Why do I exist?" or "For what purpose am I here on earth?"


The variety and complexity of the intricate systems, which constitute the fabric of both human beings and the world in which they exist, indicate that there must have been a Supreme Being who created them.

Design indicates a designer. When human beings come across footprints on a beach, they immediately conclude that a human being had walked by there some time previously.

No one imagines that the waves from the sea settled in the sand and by chance produced a depression looking exactly like human footprints.

Nor do humans instinctively conclude that they were brought into existence without a purpose. Since purposeful action is a natural product of human intelligence, humans conclude that the Supreme Intelligent Being who created them must have done so for a specific purpose.

Therefore, human beings need to know the purpose for their existence in order to make sense of this life and to do what is ultimately beneficial for them.

When I was nineteen while calling myself a truth seeker, I traveled a lot looking for other cultures and beliefs to satisfy my need for finding God. I looked into Taoism, Wicca, Buddhism, Rastafarian, Judaism, Free Masonry, Christianity, Hinduism, Animism, etc.

I even looked at one or two pages about Islam but immediately dismissed it as it did not suit my own desire. I saw that Muslims worship Allah, and that Muhammad (peace be upon him) is their Messenger and that they pray five times a day.

Five times a day!?

I thought that sounds like too much work; that could not possibly be the religion Of God the Creator of the Heavens and the earth!?

By time, I returned to theUnited States almost twenty one, I was not satisfied with any of the religions I had looked into. I decided to attend medical school (which was my dream). I filled out entrance exams and papers and was accepted at my delight.

I took a Greyhound Bus from Michigan and headed to Colorado for college. While I was traveling, I met a young guy who was sitting behind me for most of the trip. I asked his name and learned he was Ibrahim from Africa, traveling to college to be an engineer.

We began talking, and he told me he was a Muslim. I asked him what that was and he explained that Muslims believe there is none worthy of being worshiped but Allah alone and that Muhammad (peace be upon him) was the last and final Prophet of the Abrahamic faiths.

I concluded that Jews were behind on two Prophets: Jesus and Muhammad (peace be upon them); and Christians were behind on one Prophet: Muhammad peace be upon him.

I inquired further into the religion Islam, and he shared with me a small book of collected prayers (dua and dhikr) that Muslims make. Inside the first daily remembrance I read was this:

"None has the right to be worshiped but Allah alone, without partner. To Him belongs all sovereignty and praise and He is over all things Omnipotent."


It was then that I knew Islam was quite possibly what I had been looking for. I then looked further into the book for more clarification on who Allah is and focused on these two:

"In the Name of Allah, Who with His Name nothing can cause harm in the earth nor in the heavens, and He is the All-Hearing, the All-Knowing."

"O Allah, whatever blessing has been received by me or anyone of Your creation is from You alone, You have no partner. All praise is for you and thanks is to You."


I then turned to Ibrahim and asked him how I could become Muslim. He told me to say my Shahadah: La ilaha illa llaah Muhammadur Rasoolullah (There is no deity that has the right to be worshiped but Allah alone and Muhammad is His Messenger).

And in believing that and stating it, I became a Muslim right then and there on a Greyhound Bus.

So, after speaking with Ibrahim for fifteen minutes I became a Muslim. This was about seven years ago.


I never went to medical school. I decided to spend my time learning my new religion and moved to Utah. I met a great many Muslims there who warmly welcomed me into the community and spent much time teaching me the religion.

To sum up some of the most important things I have learned as a Muslim would be this:


- There has to have been a Creator due to the fact that there is creation.

- A proof that there is a God is shown through the masses; whom all feel the need to worship and do so through the vast amounts of different religions and beliefs.

Otherwise, where would we have ever gotten the idea from to even worship?

- If there were more then one god there would be complete and utter chaos from them arguing amongst themselves.

- Consequently, every human being is responsible for belief in God, which is imprinted on each and every soul. It is based on this inborn belief that Allah defined the purpose of humankind’s creation in Chapter Adh-Dhariyat (which means): *{I created the jinn and humankind only that they might worship Me.}* (Adh-Dhariyat: 51: 56)


- The laws that we build our societies upon are a proof that there must be a Creator for everything and that we are mimicking Him and His divine laws by creating our own rules and legislation. Unfortunately, societies often make laws and legislation that are contrary to the divine laws of God.

Without these laws there would be complete panic and disorder spread out through the entire world, which would make life very different from the one we live in and experience.

- A religion cannot be properly judged by its' followers but can be properly judged by its' teachings.

- Islam is for all of mankind with complete structure and guidance for every aspect, condition and affliction that mankind ever meets and suffers with and/or from.

- Islam cannot be changed and 'put into a box' in regards to how you want to practice it, you must change yourself and your way of life to meet and fit into Islam.

- Thus, the essential purpose for which humankind was created is the worship of God. However, the Almighty is not in need of human worship. He did not create human beings out of a need on His part.

If not a single human worshiped God, it would not diminish His Glory in any way, and if all of mankind worshiped Him, it would not increase His Glory in any way. God is Perfect. He alone exists without any needs. All created beings have needs. Consequently, it is humankind that needs to worship God.

- Why do human beings need to worship and glorify God by obeying the divinely revealed laws? This is because obedience to divine law is the key to success in this life and the next. The first human beings, Adam and Eve, were created in paradise and later expelled from paradise for disobeying the divine law. The only way for human beings to return to paradise is by obedience to the law.

- Divine laws represent guidance for humankind in all walks of life. They define right and wrong for them and offer human beings a complete system governing all of their affairs. The Creator alone knows best what is beneficial for His creation and what is not.

The divine laws command and prohibit various acts and substances to protect the human spirit, the human body and human society from harm. In order for human beings to fulfill their potential by living righteous lives, they need to worship God through obedience to His commandments.

I am now married with children and am a stay home mother. I write and illustratebooks for children. I also maintain three websites on the Muslim's belief, character, manners and business ethics.

Source:

Short excerpts above in quotes from The Purpose of Creation by Abu Ameenah Bilal Philips

Friday, November 07, 2008

What is LOVE?

By Hwaa Irfan (spotted at Islamonline.net)

I think you have asked the million dollar question here. As short as your question is, it is not very easy to answer and many spend much of their lives trying to seek something that is other than what it is. I suppose I could say it is a feeling, but how many feelings do we have each day that are correct and have a healthy or unhealthy longevity when the next day comes?

I am assuming here that you mean 'love' as in the love between a man and a woman.

Romantic Love

This kind of love we are most familiar with because we have been nurtured on it through songs and the media in general. It is also a kind of addiction/obssession that can drive one to do haram acts. This is the nature of any addiction after all!

It is a desire that eminates from our lower desires and so is therefore rooted in the nafs an-ammarah bi`s-su (the self-comanding soul) (12: 53), which is dominated by the earthly senses and thus selfish. Romantic love is never happy unless it is being attended to by the object of that love, and is jealous when the person 'loved' has his attention elsewhere. This attention might be work, friends, family or another.

Recent studies in neuroscience, support the precautions called upon in Islam. Helen Fisher's team at Rutgers University scanned the brains of couples who were newly in love while they gazed at photo's of their sweethearts. Activity soars in the brain's reward system. That result, Fisher says, in "fierce energy, concentrated motivation to attain a reward, and feelings of elation, even mania – the core feelings of romantic love". Other areas linked with negative emotions and assessing other people's intentions switched off. Romantic love also included activation of the hypothalamus, where the sex hormone testosterone is produced. Lust, the sexual part of love, is unsurprisingly, switched on in romantic love. – Scientific America

So, given the above results, if one becomes so engrossed with the person 'loved', one is unaware other people's intentions, including the one who is 'loved'. This where much emotional damage can be done to either party, especially when individuals become prey to the feelings of 'romantic love' which lead to pre-marital relationships. If the relationship moves towards marriage, the doors of reality flies open and there might be not so pleasant surprises. One of those surprises is boredom with each other, because the relationship was not based on anything more than emotions.

Islamic scholar and philosopher abu Hamid al-Ghazali (may Allah be pleased with him) wrote any man whose daughter had many suitors asked Prophet Muhammed on how he should decide. Prophet Muhammed said: "To the one who fears God; because if he loves her, he will be kind to her, and if he hates her, he will not wrong her" and "Whoever gives his daughter in marriage to a licentious man has betrayed her womb".

We underestimate the level of bio-chemical reactions that are taking place in our bodies when it comes to emotion, but mostly, it does not even occur to us that it is anything other than emotions, but even thought as a bio-chemical base. The point of this is, we should realize that when we allow a certain negative emotion to occur, that we not necessarily in full control of ourselves once the hormones react to those emotions.

Neuroscience has found that:

Higher levels of testosterone and estrogen are present when one feels lust.
Levels of dopamine, norepinephrine and serotonin increase when attracted


Unconditional Love

{"And among His wonders is this: He creates for you mates out of your own kind, so that you might incline towards them, and He engenders love and tenderness between you: in this, behold, there are messages indeed for people who think!"} (Rum 30:21).

Unaware as to whether you are a Muslim or not, the above quotation is from our book of guidance, the Qur`an. Much advice is given, including the relationship between a wife and husband. It does not merely speak of a physical intimacy, but most importantly, emotional intimacy which is an essential ingredient in unconditional love. It is a process of getting to know the other person as he is (not as you want him to be), to share in duties and responsibilities and to always be there as a friend. This is more important than any physical intimacy because it is the basis, of intimacy and the key to a bonding relationship that provides a buoyancy through the difficult times. It is a process of building trust, the kind of trust whereby the couple can get to know each other's weaknesses and strengths without taking advantage or wanting to. The husband is an open book to the wife and vice versa with both respecting and sharing in each others needs, aspirations, time. There is:

Mutual trust

Tenderness

Acceptance is unconditional approval in a relationship. No one is perfect.

Open communication is the ability to discuss anything with your spouse.

Caring is genuine concern for your spouse's well-being. If you do things you know hurt your spouse, you cannot have healthy intimacy.

Apologies are the remedy for mistakes that spouses inevitably make. Recognizing mistakes, taking responsibility for them, expressing remorse for any hurt caused, and making a commitment to change the hurtful behavior are all essential to mending the relationship after a mistake

Forgiveness is the process of letting go of anger, desire for revenge, and obsessive thinking about times your spouse has hurt you. It includes giving your spouse permission to have weaknesses, make mistakes, and change.

Appropriate boundaries are the limits you place on a relationship. The limits can be created individually or as a couple. These limits include saying "no" when your spouse asks you to do something that goes against your values or is more than you can handle.

Friendship is the ingredient that lines a loving relationship. True friendship means that you will be there for one another and is the boat that takes you through rough times.

Neuroscience has found that the hormone Oxcytocin also boosts trust, which is an important step in developing a loving relationship

Oxcytocin and vasopressin levels are higher in marriage = long term relationships signaled by the deep level of trust and bonding between spouses.

Spiritual Love

Loving for the sake of Allah takes a good healthy marriage even further, because there is a love greater than the both of you and includes family, relatives, friends and all creation. This is what unites humanity in our Creator and as a married couple pray and worship together, it adds an unbreakable dimension the the marital relationship. In Islam this is referred to as tawhid, where there is a self-respect, modesty and remiss of arrogance or pride. Loving for the sake of Allah means loving others (including ones spouse) regardless of their flaws. When this aspect is strong within a marital relationship, physical intimacy becomes less important. Jealousy and possessiveness dwindles because the level of emotional bonding is so great.

Sheikh Muhammad Maulad tells us:

"The actual physical heart in our breast beats at about 100,000 times a day, pumping two gallons of blood per minute, 100 gallons per hour, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year for an entire life time! The vascular system that sends this life-giving blood is over 60,000 miles long: it is more than two times the circumference of the earth. Furthermore, it is interesting to note that the heart starts beating before the brain is formed; the heart begins to beat without any central nervous system. The dominant theory was that the central nervous system is what is controlling the entire human being from the brain, yet we know now that in fact the nervous system does not initiate the heartbeat. It is actually self-initiated; we would say, it is initiated by Allah subhanahu wa T'ala".

With this level of connection, the strong bond between a couple will extend to the family, relatives, neighbours and in turn heal society as a whole.

That's Not Hijab..

Spotted! A story to share with all in regards to the boxer, Muhammad Ali:

The following incident took place when Muhammad Ali’s daughters arrived at his home wearing clothes that were not modest. Here is the story as told by one of his daughters:


When we finally arrived, the chauffer escorted my younger sister, Laila, and me up to my father’s suite. As usual, he was hiding behind the door waiting to scare us. We exchanged many hugs and kisses as we could possibly give in one day. My father took a good look at us. Then he sat me down on his lap and said something that I will never forget.

He looked me straight in the eyes and said, “Hana, everything that God made valuable in the world is covered and hard to get to. Where do you find diamonds? Deep down in the ground, covered and protected. Where do you find pearls? Deep down at the bottom of the ocean, covered up and protected in a beautiful shell. Where do you find gold? Way down in the mine, covered over with layers and layers of rock. You’ve got to work hard to get to them.” He looked at me with serious eyes. “Your body is sacred. You’re far more precious than diamonds and pearls, and you should be covered too.”

And here's the pilot vid of season 2.. reminder vids from ummahfilms.com,"That's not hijab"..Alhamdulillah for the vids from bro Ali.. d'you know what i'm sayin?!! this is redtide reminding you, just in case you forgot.. =) Njoy!

Rilek lah brader.. kenapa marah-marah?

This post is according to a book, Intisari Ihya ‘Ulumuddin Imam Al-Ghazali, Mensucikan Jiwa, Kaedah Tazkiyatun Nafs bersepadu ditaskihkan dan disusun semula oleh Sa’id Hawwa.”

We are never free from err, so I may be wrong and please do correct me if and where I am. I just hope to raise awareness of the topic of anger in Islamic context in simple terms.

The question is, what is Islam’s stance on anger?

Lets take a look at these hadiths...

Abu Hurairah meriwayatkan bahawa seorang lelaki berkata: “Wahai RasululLah, perintahkanlah aku dengan suatu amal perbuatan dan aku sedikit melakukannya.” Nabi s.a.w. bersabda: “Janganlah kamu marah.” Orang itu mengulanginya lagi lalu Nabi s.a.w. bersabda lagi: “Janganlah kamu marah.” (Diriwayatkan oleh Bukhari)

Dari Abdullah bin Amr bahawa ia pernah bertanya kepada RasululLah s.a.w. apakah yang dapat menyelamatkanku dari murka Allah? Nabi s.a.w. bersabda:"Janganlah kamu marah.” (Diriwayatkan oleh Thabrani di dalam Makarim al-Akhlaq, Ibnu Abdil Barr di dalam at-Tamhid dengan sanad hasan, dan Ahmad. Penanyanya adalah Abdullah bin Amru)

Abu Hurairah berkata: RasululLah s.a.w. bersabda: “Orang kuat itu bukanlah orang yang menang gulat tetapi orang kuat adalah orang yang dapat mengendalikan dirinya pada saat marah” (Diriwayatkan oleh Bukhari dan Muslim)

Dan kata-kata lain..

Ja’far bin Muhammad berkata: Kemarahan adalah kunci segala keburukan.

Pertama, manusia memang tidak terhindar dari marah. Ada orang bila marah hingga melampaui batas. Terlalu over. Berlebihan. Dan ada yang apabila dikenakan sesuatu yang boleh marah, berkurangan, seperti tak ada apa-apa. Lemah je. Seperti tak bersemangat. Kedua-dua perkara ini tercela dalam Islam. Apakah tindakan yang digalakkan apabila marah?

Menurut Imam al-Ghazali,”Tindakan yang terpuji adalah marah menunggu isyarat akal dan agama lalu dilepaskan ketika harus melakukan pembelaan dan dikekang ketika dinilai baik untuk bersikap santun.” [Tazkiatun Nafs (Mensucikan Jiwa) 282]

In other words, bukan dengan emosi tapi menggunakan akal dan menuruti apa yang dibenarkan dalam Islam, apabila hendak bertindak kerana marah. He continues “Menjaganya pada batas pertengahan adalah merupakan istiqamah yang diperintahkan Allah kepada para hambaNya yaitu pertengahan yang ditegaskan RasululLah s.a.w.:”Sebaik-baik perkara adalah pertengahannya.” (Al-Baihaqi dalam asy-Syu’ab secara mursal. Bukhari berkata,"Mursal lebih shahih.”)

Kita harus mengingati bahawa marah itu salah satu pintu-pintu masuk syaitan. Ia seumpama bius akal. Bila marah je, selalunya fikiran terbuntu dan bila ini terjadi, reaksi kita biasanya menggunakan emosi lebih daripada berfikir dahulu. Bila ini berlaku, syaitan pon ambil kesempatan. Tentera syaitan maju menyerang. Hingga syaitan mampu mempermainkan kita seperti anak kecil mempermainkan bola. Akibatnya, ia boleh menyebabkan kita menganiaya orang lain dan diri kita sendiri. Dan kita hanya akan menyedari keburukan itu bila dah terlambat, hanya selepas hilang marah itu dan kembali akal berfikir secara rasional.

Segala sesuatu ada hikmahnya dan apabila kita bertindak kerana marah dan semata-mata untuk memuaskan hati, akibatnya, lebih buruknya dari yang baik. Islam lebih mengutamakan kemaafan dan sikap berlapang dada.

Kita boleh mengambil iktibar dari hadith ini..

Ketika Sayidina Abu Bakar r.a. bersumpah untuk tidak memberi santunan kepada Masthah – salah seorang kerabatnya – kerana keterlibatannya dalam kasus Berita Bohong, turunlah firman AllahSWT: “Dan janganlah orang-orang yang mempunyai kelebihan dan kelapangan di antara kamu bersumpah bahawa mereka(tidak) akan memberi (bantuan) kepada kaum kerabat(nya), orang-orang yang miskin dan orang-orang yang berhijrah di jalan Allah, dan hendaklah mereka mema’afkan dan berlapang dada. Apakah kamu tidak ingin bahawa Allah mengampunimu? Dan Allah adalah Maha Pengampun lagi Maha Penyayang?” (an-Nur: 22). Kemudian Sayidina Abu Bakar berkata:”Ya, kami menginginkan hal itu” Akhirnya beliau kembali memberikan bantuannya kepada Masthah. (Bukhari dan Muslim) [Tazkiatun Nafs (Mensucikan Jiwa) 297]

Berikut keutamaan menahan kemarahan dalam Islam, dipetik dari buku..

Allah SWT berfirman:"Dan orang-orang yang menahan kemarahannya” (Ali Imran:134), Allah menyebutkan sifat ini dalam konteks pujian.

Nabi s.a.w. bersabda:"Orang yang paling kuat di antara kalian adalah orang yang mampu mengendalikan hawa nafsunya pada saat marah dan orang yang paling santun di antara kalian adalah orang yang mema’afkan pada saat mampu melakukan pembalasan.”(al-Baihaqi di dalam asy-Su’ab, bagian hadith yang pertama secara mursal dengan sanad jayyid)

Seseorang berkata kepada Umar r.a: Demi Allah, kamu tidak memutuskan perkara dengan adil dan tidak banyak memberi, lalu Umar marah hingga terlihat kemarahan di wajahnya. Lalu ada seseorang yang berkata kepada Umar: Wahai Amirul Mu’minin, tidakkah engkau mendengar Allah berfirman:"Jadilah engkau pemaaf dan perintahkanlah yang ma’ruf, serta berpalinglah dari orang-orang yang jahil,”(al-A’raf:199) Sedangkan orang ini termasuk orang-orang yang jahil. Kemudian Umar berkata: Kamu benar, kemarahan tadi seolah-olah api yang dipadamkan. [Tazkiatun Nafs (Mensucikan Jiwa) 288-289]

Cara yang terbaik ialah mengikuti cara Nabi s.a.w. Menurut Sa'id Hawwa,“Contoh kesempurnaan dalam hal redha dan marah ialah RasululLah s.a.w. Di antara akhlaknya bahawa Nabi s.a.w. tidak pernah marah kerana peribadinya. Perlakuan keras yang dilakukan orang-orang jahil terhadapnya tidak menambah kecuali kepenyantunannya.

Nabi s.a.w. marah apabila larangan-larangan AllahSWT dilanggar.
Tidak ada hal lainnya yang dapat menyulut(menyalakan) kemarahannya. Dan kemarahan seperti inilah yang harus dilakukan oleh semua makhluk untuk menumbangkan kemungkaran. [Tazkiatun Nafs (Mensucikan Jiwa) 275-276]

Marilah kita sama-sama merenung dan memikirkan kata-kata tersebut. Mudah-mudahan kita akan sentiasa berusaha memperbaiki diri kita, sehingga mampu mencapai tahap yang dekat seperti Rasulullah s.a.w. apabila marah, demi kebaikan kita sendiri di dunia dan akhirat kelak. Insya-Allah.

Wallahu'alaam.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Purpose of Mosque?

Received an e-mail from a good friend back in Singapore, here's a part of the message..

Yo Wan, acam?

Assalamualaikum bro,

Cam ko ok tak? Siihat lah minta nye.......Belajar rajin2....sejuk hati mak ko nanti...heheheh.

Senyap jek...(dulu-dulu)selalu masuk msn. Ni dah tak? Jumpe minah arab ke?

Bro, aku nak minta tlg ah, ade boss aku ni mat salleh. Dier biasa gi masjid kat Istanbul ah. Dier nak write up sumtin about islam.

Dir tanye aku, for example like when he goes to the church with his wife.....they are sort of doin a service for the church of christianity ah. BUt for us Muslims, we go to the mosque is for what ah?.....

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Wassalaam wr. wb..

Alo acam bro? Semoga semua k ngan keluarga and happening, insya Allah. Kirim salaam yang lain eh, jangan lah rindu sangat kat aku, siapalah aku ni..Hahah.. Anyway, aku ok, sihat alhamdulillah. Prompuan Arab?! Ameen insya Allah, tapi kalo perangai macam kebanyakan Arab yang aku nampak skarang tak payah lah..perempuan2 kat daerah Asia kita jauh lagi bagus.

Hm, pasal masjid eh? Aku tak lah handal mana, tau sikit je.. apasal dia tak research aje kat internet ah? K takpe, ni setakat yang aku tahu..

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Peace be upon you..Hope that this little bit of info helps.

A Mosque is a place dedicated for the worship of God. The main purpose of a Mosque is to gather Muslims for congregational prayers. It is compulsory for Muslims to pray five times a day and praying at the Mosque in a congregation is something that is highly recommended for Muslims. On Fridays, we normally see Mosques packed to the brim. This is because it is compulsory for Muslim Men to attend Friday prayers and listen to the Friday sermon. As Muslims meet up regularly for prayers, the Mosque becomes a central meeting point for Muslims. There, Muslims from all walks of life are able to gather and interact in their respective constituencies.

The Mosque is also used as a centre for all Islamic activities. Back during Prophet Muhammad’s(peace be upon him) days and the early period of Islam, at its peak, the scope of usage of the Mosque was broader. It was served to receive delegations from other countries and all sorts of religious backgrounds. It was also the centre for education in all sorts of fields, not only in Islamic studies(visit muslimheritage.com). Even entertainment was present, of course in a controlled manner of entertainment that Islam allows. It should be noted that even non-Muslims were welcomed at Mosques to study during those early periods of Islam. As such, the usage of Mosque is not only for the purpose of worship alone but also acts as the centre for all social, cultural, political and other various activities.

It should be highlighted that for Muslims, this way of utilising Mosques is favourable as it reflects on how we worship God. Our purpose of life is to worship God and the form of worship in Islam is not only restricted through the compulsory daily prayers or fasting or giving alms to the needy or perform Hajj but it encompasses our whole lives. So for a Muslim, we strive,study, work, eat, sleep, marry, all for the sake of God as how God had instructed us through the Qur'an and the teachings and actions of His prophet Muhammad(peace be upon him). That's why the notion, Islam is a way of Life.

However, today, the usage of most mosques around the world have been restricted to the daily and special occasional prayers and center for Islamic education and activities. In some areas, we may even find mosques restricted to a certain race or groups only and are off limits to non-Muslims. This is due to the fact that generally, Muslims nowadays don’t understand Islam as well as how it was used to be understood and practiced. As a result, Islam is frequently not portrayed as how it should be, a religion of peace for all, irregardless of race or status. Muslims believe that all humans are born sinless and as Muslims, free from other influences. That's why Muslim 'converts' would prefer to be called 'reverts' as it reflects them returning to their original state as to how God had brought them into this world. They do not like to be called 'convert' because it gives a negative perception as if Islam brainwashes a person to change from one belief to another (note: there is no compulsion in Islam). Humans are all equals and the only difference between them is how they fare in thier God-fearingness, piety and deeds. No one should think that they are far superior(all the superiority that we may have would render useless when we leave this world) or more deserving than another (only God knows best of our sincerity and intentions).


In Singapore, the awareness to broaden the scope for usage of mosques is improving and we do have some mosques that serve beyond their main purpose and even open to all.

Thats about all that I'm able to impart with the little knowledge that I possess. Please, do research more and find out other information, views and opinions before writing about it to get a wider and more accurate perspective on it.

God Bless.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

And Allah SWT knows best.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Do Not Expect Gratitude From Anyone

Just to share this article from islamonline.net..

By Sheikh `A'id Abdullah Al-Qarni
Da`iyah and Scholar — Saudi Arabia


Almighty Allah has created His servants so that they may worship and remember Him, and He has provided sustenance for them so that they may be grateful to Him. Nevertheless, many have worshipped other than Him, and the majority of people are thankful not to Him, but to others. Indeed, the characteristic of ingratitude is widespread among human beings. So, do not be dismayed when you find that others forget your favors or disregard your kind acts. Some people might even despise you and make you an enemy for no other reason than that you have shown them kindness.

Almighty Allah says:

"And they could not find any cause to bear a grudge, except that Allah and His Messenger had enriched them of His Bounty"
(ِAt-Tawbah 9:74)

From among the ever-repeating pages of history is a story of a father and his son: The father raised his son, fed him, clothed him, and taught him; he would stay up nights so that his son could sleep, stay hungry so that his son could eat, and toil so that his son could feel comfort. And when the son became older and stronger, he rewarded his father with disobedience, disrespect, and contempt.

So, be at peace if you are requited with ungratefulness for the good you have done. Rejoice in your knowledge that you will be rewarded from the One Who has unlimited treasures at His disposal. This is not to say that you should refrain from performing acts of kindness toward others; the point is that you should be mentally prepared for ingratitude.

Perform acts of charity seeking solely Allah's pleasure, because with this attitude you will assuredly be successful. The ungrateful person cannot really harm you. Praise Allah that that person is the transgressor and that you are the obedient servant. Also, remember that the hand that gives is better than the hand that receives.

Allah, the Most–High, says:

"We feed you seeking Allah's Countenance only. We wish for neither reward nor thanks from you." (Al-Insan 76:9)

Many people are shocked at the nature of ingratitude in others, as though they had never come across this verse and others like it, such as:

"And when harm touches a person, he invokes Us [Allah], lying down on his side or sitting or standing. But when We have removed his harm from him, he passes on his way as if he had never invoked Us for a harm that touched him." (Yunus 10:12)

Hence, do not be in a state of agitation if you give someone a pen as a gift and he or she uses it to satirize you, or if you give someone a walking stick to lean upon and he strikes you with it. As pointed out earlier, most human beings are ungrateful to their Lord, so what kind of treatment should you and I expect?

* This article has been taken with slight modifications from the author's book Do Not Be Sad.

Sheikh `A'id Abdullah Al-Qarni is a prominent Saudi scholar and da`iyah. He has his doctorate in Hadith. He has made many audio lectures and a number of TV programs about different Islamic and Da`wah-related topics.