Dear sister..

This goes out to some muslimah out there in context of today's generation..yang makan cili tuh akan rasa pedasnya.

I'm someone who frequently make mistakes too so I may be wrong..pls correct me where I am.

Dear Sister in Islam..

Your sincerity to practice Islam as a way of life is admirable. Still, it's not enough. You practice Islam to how you understand it, the way you perceive it is. But thats not the way it should be.

Is there such thing as a strict and less strict Islam? There's only one type of Islam, one which is based on al-Quran and as-Sunnah.

Alhamdulillah, you uphold the pillars of Islam well. But you don't wear the hijab the way it should be worn. You say that type of coverage is too strict. Tudungs, t-shirt and tight jeans/pants don't really cover your aurat. Even baju kurungs which don't meet the requirements.

You get into relationships that only lead to hurt and despair. You tried again and again to find "true love". Your boyfriends don't really practice Islam well as you do. But you keep advising hoping he'll change. You try your best to practice restraint by not accepting any sexual advances from your boyfriend reminding him its not allowed in Islam. That's great, really. But still, pre-marital relationship itself is not allowed in Islam. When discussed, you say that's too strict. Would there be such sexual advances if you're not in a relationship? Which hadith or verse from al-Quran says that BGR is allowed before marraige?

Of course its not easy to change. Its something you've been used to all your life, growing up in a secular environment. When you look around, most of your friends are doing the same thing. You truly enjoy thier company and have known them for years. Why would you want to risk that happiness by being someone different exercising Islam "more strictly"?

Its not that you're not sincere in trying to practice Islam. You are. But do you know that you're going against His rules just to have that kind of temporary happiness?

Haven't we been assured of happiness greater than that?

-end-

Almighty Allah says: [Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and be modest. That is purer for them. Lo! Allah is aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and be modest, and to display of their adornment only that which is apparent, and to draw their veils over their bosoms, and not to reveal their adornment save to their own husbands or fathers or husbands' fathers, or their sons or their husbands' sons, or their brothers or their brothers' sons or sisters' sons, or their women, or their slaves, or male attendants who lack vigour, or children who know naught of women's nakedness. And let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornment. And turn unto Allah together, O believers, in order that ye may succeed.] (An-Nur: 30-31)

The closest thing that I know of relations being encouraged is that only if you're ready and sure that it will lead to marraige within a short period of time. Still, this is not the best way.

We must remember that we are not alone. We are always accompanied by Shaitan who have promised to always lead humans to the wrong path. We always feel joy and excitement when doing things that are unIslamic. But most of the times, when we want to do something Islamic, an opposite feeling pops up. This is the time when Shaitan will always try to make it difficult for us. That is the work of Shaitan through our nafs.

Hwaa Irfan, cyber-counselor from Islamonline.net says,"You have been under the throes of the lower desire, An nafs al-ammarah (Yusuf 12: 53) bi`su, the evil commanding self. An nafs al-ammarah bi`su, is the desire for self gratification. Imam Baghawi tells us:

"The nafs al-ammarah bi`su’ has Shaytân as its ally. He promises it great rewards and gains, but casts falsehood into it. He invites it and entices the soul to do evil. He leads it on with hope after hope and presents falsehood to the soul in a form that it will accept and admire.

Professor Dr. Omar Hassan Kasule Sr tells us this:

"Shaytan exploits the sexual attraction between the genders to inflame passions that lead to sexual transgression. Each person always has shaytan with him or her . The sexual attractiveness of the woman is generally more than that of the man. Thus in sexual relations it is the male who usually seeks out the female. The extra beauty and attractiveness of the woman can be a temptation for both her and for men (12:23-24 & 12:30-34). A woman conscious of her beauty may exploit it by being flirtous and thus exposing herself to men. Men will be attracted by her beauty and may lose control and commit sexual transgression".(from Islamonline.net)

Only Allah SWT can help us. Allah tells us that prophet Nuh (peace be upon him) said:

"And I have said: Seek pardon of your Lord Lo! He was ever Forgiving. He will let loose the sky for you in plenteous rain, and will help you with wealth and sons, and will assign unto you Gardens and will assign unto you rivers." (Nuh 10-12)

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Remember Allah during times of ease and He will remember you during times of hardship.” (Reported by Ahmad)

Focusing to think and reason about the problem on your own will only allow Syaitan to lead you astray again and again unless in addition to that, we also focus on seeking Allah's help and guidance through supplication (doa), staying away from indulging in acts thats not acceptable in Islam, self-improvement, remembrance of Allah (zikir) and by seeking knowledge.

There is al-Quran and books based on al-Quran and as-Sunnah for guidance. Reading and knowing more is a step. Applying the knowledge is another.

Its sad to see muslims who defend their own opinion.."Iman is not what is outside..Its whats inside", as some might say. If thats the case, then you can also put it this way e.g A muslim who works in a bar selling and handling liquor says".. don't look at whats outside..its whats on the inside." This is not in accordance of Islamic teachings.

When you indulge in pre-marital relations, sure you can be happy at times. But often, it leads to confusion and despair when things turn out bad.

Oh Allah, forgive our sins, purify our hearts..
guide us all to the right path. Ameen.

{"And whoever does evil or acts unjustly to his soul, then asks forgiveness of Allah, he shall find Allah forgiving, Merciful"} (An-Nisa 4:110)