Alhamdulillah.. had the opportunity to attend the forum on "Gejala Seks Luar Nikah - hukum dan penyelesaiannya dari sudut Islam" on Saturday night, then the seminar on "Imej Islam" on Sunday held at Madrasah Wak Tanjong al-Islamiah (MWTI).
I'm gonna focus on the former. Though the forum is more relaxed and casual event compared to the seminar, it is a serious issue focusing on how to deal with the rising trend of Malay Muslims youths being involved in sex before marriage and extends to the discussion of another rising trend of adultery after marriage.
Dr Juanda Jaya and Dr Asri provided advices, preventive measures and solutions, frequently quoting verses from the Quran and also prophetic traditions(hadith) and elaborating on them while Ustaz Abdul Jalil mainly gave a clear view of the current unhealthy trends that is befalling the Malay Muslim society in Singapore and its causes from a psychological aspect.
It began with the speakers explaining that this phenomena is not new. It has happened ever since before Islam came at an even worse state. Islam has managed to change many wayward behaviours of men and controlled the situation until generations later..
Why is this so?
MAIN CAUSE: (when) The 'Akidah' (Islamic belief) of a Muslim is not strong. If every single Muslim takes into consideration his/her relationship with Allah SWT and focuses on doing what pleases Him and hating to do anything that He forbids, there won't be a problem at all.
It is important to address the main issues first. As both Dr Juanda and Dr Asri agreed was to focus on instilling the love for Allah SWT and His messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) and the fear of nearing what Allah has forbid..
Dr Juanda said to impart the knowledge of Islamic belief as simple as possible.. he quoted part of a hadith, whereby Rasulullah s.a.w taught the basics of Islam to young Abdullah ibn Abbas radiallaahu'anhu "Wahai anak muda.. kamu jagalah Allah niscaya Allah akan menjaga kamu.."
Dr Asri stressed upon the need to focus on what's more important before tackling other issues. Why must we keep reminding the youths that "zina" is bad, that we shouldn't approach zina but at the same time they still don't practice the five daily prayers, don't fast during ramadhan or understand the concept of ibadah or are confused/clueless about the purpose of life?
Once these main issues are tackled, insya Allah the person will slowly change after he/she has understood the implications of his/her actions during the daily course of life in the Islamic context.
As what Ustaz Abdul Jalil said also, most of the cases involving the break-down of marriages are due to not having the values of Islam being the core of the marriage relationship.
The 2nd solution: Nowadays with the internet, at a click of a "button" it is so easy to find the sources that can lead to "zina". This is the reality of globalisation and it can't be prevented. Islam acknowledges the needs of humans.
It's natural that humans have sexual needs or a girl likes a guy or vice versa. As Dr Juanda said,
"Sesuatu perkara yang melanda remaja..Ustaz, saya tak boleh tengok perempuan, kalo tengok perempuan rasa lain macam je. Apa hukumnya? Jawapan saya kepada budak ni, Kalau lelaki tengok wanita rasa lain macam, awak lelaki sejati.. Tapi Kalo dia macam tak rasa apa-apa..Yang ni kena periksa kat hospital"
Islam recognises feelings and sexual needs but disciplines this by allowing it to happen only after marriage!
But the reality is, while it is so easy to reach the sources that lead to "zina", the current traditional practices make it harder for Muslims to be married. Both Dr Juanda and Dr Asri stressed on the importance of easing the process of marriage. There is little need to prevent or delay the process once a guy is known to be ready, being a good practicing Muslim and having good values.
Dr Juanda quoted a hadith, "Apabila datang kepada kamu seseorang yang kamu redhai agamanya, maka kawinkahlah dia..kalau tidak maka akan berlaku kerosakan di atas muka bumi"
A good point that was brought up by Dr Juanda was that everyone wants to find somebody who's a good practicing Muslim with good values. "Kalo kita tengok di akhbar, para artist pon, apabila ditanya, lelaki/perempuan macam mana yang menjadi pasangan idaman?.. mereka akan menjawab, saya harap dapat bertemu seseorang yang beriman..."
So instead of wanting to find somebody with good iman.. we ourselves have to strive to have such qualities ourselves, eventually insya-Allah, we will find someone with that same trait. We have to strive to be that type of person, instead of doing nothing and hoping for someone with good iman to help us be better.
As quoted by Dr Juanda,(translated) "... perempuan-perempuan yang baik untuk lelaki-lelaki yang baik, dan lelaki-lelaki yang baik untuk perempuan-perempuan yang baik..." [an-Nur 24:26]
In the marriage aspect, couples are reminded to take care of each others' needs. For example, one may have a stronger sexual desire than the other. And if this need is not met, then it there is a higher chance that the "partner in distress" will look for this extra need elsewhere.
Dr Asri joked,"Kekadang ada orang nie.. bukan setakat harimau.. hari-hari mauu!?"
The speakers said that while they don't promote poligamy, Islam gives an avenue for example, for guys with these extra needs. Which is better? To control the guy which may lead him to secretly search for an alternative to satisfy his needs in an unlawful manner or to encourage him to seek an alternative which is allowed in Islam by allowing him to marry another?
Of course these measures are only for special cases and are not encouraged. Nobody likes to be a wife of four or two. That is why Islam stresses for couples to keep each other happy and to take care of each others' wants and needs at all times.
Hadiths were mentioned on how romantic the Prophet(saw) was with his wives and how he's the best example of a caring and loving husband to his wives or parent to his children. How the Prophet(saw) reminded wives to dress up for their husbands and also for husbands to look good for their wives at all times! especially in the household!
The 3rd solution: Keeping a healthy environment at home. This was brought up by Dr Juanda then elaborated by ustaz Abdul Jalil. This is important as one of the main causes of youths rebelling is the lack of love and care by their parents and the lack of trust and respect is given to them. There is very little "quality family time". Every time they're at home, parents would nag, some even hurl condemning remarks, some parents even quarrel frequently in front of their children. When youths can't find peace and happiness at home, they will go outside and most turn to their friends instead in search of these traits.
Dr Juanda proposed a remedy,"Binalah keluarga yang soleh..keluarga itulah yang bertapaknya agama Islam yang terutama..keluarga itulah benteng terakhir, bagi menjaga keluarga, bagi menjaga keturunan, bagi menjaga ugama kita.. Bermula daripada suami yang soleh..disokong oleh isteri yang solehah..kemudian dibentuk oleh anak-anak yang soleh, barulah kita dapat lihat segala gejala maksiat yang wujud di luar rumah akan dapat kita jaga.."
4th solution: To keep oneself busy with time well spent on meaningful activities.
Dr Juanda quoted a hadith,"Dua nikmat yang manusia mudah tertipu yaitu, kesihatan dan masa lapang.."
And he continued,"Masa lapang adalah fitnah yang amat besar kepada manusia..bagaimana kita memanfaatkan masa lapang?"
then quoted a saying,"Orang yang sibuk, tidak akan disibukkan.."..and advised "kalau kita ada masa kosong..isikan masa kosong itu dengan perkara yang bermanfaat kalau tidak, maka akan datang perkara yang bermaksiat.. dan inilah yang banyak berlaku kepada generasi muda kita.."
As an Arabic saying goes;
"Air yang tidak mengalir akan merosakkan air itu, pemuda yang banyak masa kosong akan dibunuh oleh masa kosong itu.."
5th solution: Don't ever try to test our faith (iman)! Ouu.. saja je (mendekati apa bentuk zina pon) nak test iman aku kuat ke tak.. don't ever do that. Even when a person is a good Muslim, it does not guarantee how he/she behaves when overcome by lust and sexual desires.
As Dr Asri said,"ustaz tak ustaz, lebai tak lebai, Mufti tak Mufti...dalam hal nafsu nie kalau tak jaga, semua sama!"
We must strive to stay away from what may lead to zina. For example, freely mixing with those who are not of our mahram. It doesn't mean that we cant even interact but do it only when there is a need to.. Even with our close relatives like cousins or uncles and aunties.. always take care of our eyes from roaming and stay alert of what possibly may lead to flirting. Keep our activities and behaviours in check.
Dr Asri also gave a reality check on this summing up,"Kalo anak-anak kita tu, solatnya terjaga, menjauhi perkara yang berkaitan dengan dosa-dosa besar, jaga perhubungan dengan yang bukan muhrim..kita bagi "A" kat dia. Kalo dosa-dosa kecil insya-Allah akan terjaga.. Kekadang tuh.. ada yang comel-comel berlalu kat depan.. ustaz-ustaz pon tertengok juga!?" Again, he reiterated the importance of focusing on tackling big issues that we have before we tackle the smaller ones.
There was one important point that he brought up. No matter what, it is important by the age of 40 we should control our unnecessary worldly desires and revert more to healthier, Islamic activities. He proposed that we supplicate(doa) and renew our taubah at the age of 40 or even at any age for that matter as what is taught in the Quran..
(terjemahannya)... Setelah ia besar sampai ke peringkat dewasa yang sempurna kekuatannya dan sampai ke peringkat umur empat puluh tahun, berdoalah ia dengan berkata: "Wahai Tuhanku, ilhamkanlah daku supaya tetap bersyukur akan nikmat-Mu yang engkau kurniakan kepadaku dan kepada ibu-bapaku, dan supaya aku tetap mengerjakan amal soleh yang Engkau redhai; dan jadikanlah sifat-sifat kebaikan meresap ke dalam jiwa zuriat keturunanku. Sesungguhnya aku bertaubat kepadamu, dan sesungguhnya aku dari orang-orang Islam (yang tunduk patuh kepadamu)" [al-Ahqaaf 46:15]
Hmm, for now, this is some of what I've gathered from the forum to be shared. I hope that more of such forums involving speakers with such personality, credentials and vigour in their speech will continue for many years to come, insya-Allah. Do leave comments or thoughts if any..
Katakanlah kepada laki-laki yang beriman: Hendaklah mereka menahan pandangannya dan memelihara kemaluannya (an-Nuur: 30)
Janganlah salah seorang dari kalian berdua-duan dengan seorang wanita, kerana syaitan akan menjadi ketiganya (Hadis Riwayat Ahmad & Tirmidzi dengan sanad yang sahih)
Hai isteri-isteri Nabi, kamu sekalian tidaklah seperti wanita yang lain, jika kamu bertakwa. Maka janganlah kamu tunduk dalam berbicara (berkata-kata yang menggoda) sehingga berkeinginan orang yang ada penyakit di dalam hatinya tetapi ucapkanlah perkataan-perkataan yang baik. (al-Ahzaab: 32)
Allah Almighty knows best.